Day 13 – Letter to Someone you wish could forgive you

Dear God,

I seek your forgiveness because I always doubt about your existence. But you make it so hard for me to believe in you. Yes I am not the one who gives a specific time period of the day remembering you. 

I am not the one who chants your name 108 times every single day. I am not the one who prays or looks at you while passing by you (in temple). And sometimes even if I join my hands I do not bow myself because I am angry at you.

Image Source

Forgive me for not praying to your so many avatars. I get angry at those who make me to pray in avatar of ‘this’ or ‘that’. Because for me your existence is not in various but ‘one’.

Right from the age we start to learn and grasp things we are made to learn ‘God helps those who help themselves.’ Sadly as I grew up what I see is everyone busy praying to you rather than helping the needy. Don’t get me wrong there are many who donate money or food. But for me the question arises: Are they doing with the thought of ‘selflessness’ or for increasing their ‘good deeds’ or as called in hindi – ‘punya’?

If all of these I think is wrong then forgive me. I am not an atheist, I have faith in you. Yes I do sometimes feel you are punishing me with this current life situation but at the end it leaves me thinking what if you are testing my faith in you?

Forgive me for my angriest side I show to you more often these days. Each and every passing day the barrenness is snatching my breath and faith in you.

Yours,

Who else could it be?