Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Day 7: Letter to My Ex-Crush

11:03 PM 0 Comments
letter to ex-crush ex-love

Dear ex-crush,

I miss you. Sometimes! I miss you so much that I fall in the well of regret and the never ending ‘what ifs?’ I should have confessed my likings for you rather than hiding like a young naive girl hoping you would be her prince charming. But the ‘so-called’ culture pulled me back each time I tried to reach out. Well, I miss you at this very moment and the guilt pinches me hard. My life is good, but still there is an empty hollowness somewhere. I need to put the mud of oblivion in the empty space unlike the girls in Pretty Little Liars who had dumped many bodies but each time they get caught. I want to escape.

I won’t tag our relationship as ‘Just friends’. I felt you too had a crush on me but neither of us made the first move and our time together ended with saying, ‘I am happy for you. Stay happy.’ You were the only guy to write in my scrapbook. I do not have the courage to tear those two pages you had written. Destroying would mean I was destroying the happiness those pages bring. I might never harm them.

I will never be over with you. Because:

You were and never will be my weakness.
You do not make me vulnerable.
You gave me strength to believe in myself.
You made me discover my potential.
You believed in me.
And this is why I miss you.

Who met you at crossroads

Let me also celebrate this 100th post. Happy. Content. Carry On.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Day 6: Letter to a Stranger

10:02 PM 2 Comments
letter to a stranger

                                                                     Image source

Dear stranger,

I don’t “know” you but I see you every day. You are the one I see in bus, in auto, in train, the one who sits beside me during the travel, the one who walks beside me in the crowd or the one reading this. See, I don’t “know” you but still we meet every day. You are been observed by many don’t think you are been ignored. I look at you and try to guess what’s going on inside the head. Don’t worry I never judge you. 30 years on this earth have taught me, ‘Never judge anyone unless you walk in their shoes.”

You looked sad that day, wonder what made to upset? Other day you were smiling to self and I was happy for you. I notice the struggles you encounter and I might never help you but you will get through them. At the end, everything will be ok.

You seek love. There is nothing wrong in it but the society has twisted the term ‘love’.  I will not write about the contorted version of love but learn to hold back when the love becomes lust.

Time and again, we understood that love is ‘loving others’ and many have lost their mind in the search of it. You don’t fall for it. Get up in the morning; look in the mirror, smile and say “I love you.” Say it every single day. Do not wait for someone else say the three words to you. Self-love will help you grow. You will learn to accept the weakness and work on it. Make mistakes. Learn from them. You always struggle to make time for others. Sometimes take out time for self care.

People will tell you’re worthless. Do not listen to them. You are worthy, you have the strength to reach the goals, you can gain anything, just set the mind on it. Practice mindfulness. No one will come to your rescue except your own inner self. Be aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Never wait to fall on the rock. Pick yourself up.

I might sound preachy but there are many great people who have done it. It was never easy for them. They failed many times and each time they rose with great inner strength. You can too. Three words and I will end this letter.

Believe in yourself!

A stranger you come across every day.

Monday, July 17, 2017

Day 5: Letter to My Dreams

9:09 PM 0 Comments
I am starting again what I left back in the year 2014 30 Day Letter Challenge (Yes, height of procrastination). I will be at peace once I complete it and am all about challenges these days. Let's start.

letter writing challenge

Dear Dreams,

You write on my blank slate of sleep most of the times. Since many years you come in different form but the theme is same. It is as if the movie is repetitive only with different characters.  I stand helpless, defenseless every time. I feel raw and bare, covering myself but no one can see through me, no one can see my vulnerability. I walk in fear, absolute dreaded with each move. I am with strangers. I don’t blame you. Over the period I realized and analysed, you are my own subconscious state which I hide when I am awake. I stay silent with the fear people won’t understand me losing opportunities. I hide my emotions with the fear of breaking down. I put a veil of being happy sometimes when I am not. The rope is knotted tight around my waist and I am standing on the edge of the bridge. The whooshing sound of air thuds my ears. The furious waves down below roar and my heart beat aloud against the chest. I feel as if I have never been alive till now after the thudding heart beats. I am standing still breathing heavily.  There is no one with me only the tight rope of fear. I struggle and want to be free from it but I don’t know how to swim. The rope is actually aiding me to be alive. But you know what? The rope is only around my waist leaving the other end free. No one is holding it, it isn't tied to anything.It isn’t helping me rather poisoning me with my own fear. The waves are my dreams, my goals. One step and I will be near them. The only thing is to overcome my fear and jump.

Yours’ truly and deeply,

The one who will seize you soon. 

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Mumbai Rains and Music

11:57 PM 0 Comments
Pen touched the paper, struck the first chord
Ink flowed, the rhythm paced
Lyrics came alive, Music freed the soul
From its own darkness, from its own self-doubt

I love rains of Mumbai as long as it doesn’t stop the life. What better than the company of music to enjoy rains! I am sharing my rainy day playlist playing on loop.

rainy day songs, ed sheeran songs

         Shape of You by Ed Sheeran

There is no surprise this song is on top of my list. It is trending everywhere. I love the tempo, the beats and how the song makes me tap every time I listen to it.

Hold On by Chord Overstreet

I discovered the song while watching an episode of The Vampire diaries featuring Stefan and Caroline.

Despacito by Daddy Yankee, Luis Fonsi

Ok, it is in Spanish but you don’t need to know the lyrics by-heart for the waltz. Translate the lyrics in English, understand it and simply savor!

Hurt by The Lady Antebellum

I drool on their songs and this song is so perfect. Listen it, If you're reckless with your love just to take it back You could hurt somebody like that

Another song from The Vampire Diaries during wedding reception of Stefan and Caroline slow dancing; Damon comforts Bonnie; Bonnie dances with the soul of Enzo. I will love you till the world stops turning and ever after when it comes...

That's it from me. Do share any of yours. The link will take you to the lyrics.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Don't Love Me 2.1

10:06 AM 2 Comments
He took away the muse. She couldn’t write a single line of her true emotions. She struggled to hold the pen. The blank page haunted her day and night. It was turning her crazy. Her thoughts were scattered inside her head but she couldn’t spill those on a piece of paper. The paper mocked at her each time she looked at it. Her insides bled like the ink spilled from the pot she splashed on the paper. She was struggling to find the right words. She crumpled the paper and kept it alive. The fight with own emotions did not end here. She was on the verge of insanity.

She put on the headphones and blasted on the music that brought back ecstasy in her. Music filled her emptiness, her hollowness. She got a reason to mend her broken heart. Music fixed it. Music became her drug. The addiction brought back her life to her. It destroyed the parasitic thoughts. Yes she was high but this was the only way to keep her sane.

The hypnotic music made the words to spill out releasing the vacuum of emotions. This time the emotions did not come out of her eyes but on the crumpled paper where she wrote:

Your love,
Ain’t the cure for the broken heart.
Your love,
A  poison, kills a part every day.
Don’t love me,
I ain’t thirsty for it.
Don’t love me,
I ain’t a slave of it. Anymore.

broken heart
Image source

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Tuesday, July 4, 2017

A Letter to You

11:30 PM 4 Comments
Dear reader,

I need a friend, a confidante. There’s a lot going on in my life and more over inside my head. I tried to write them on a paper, but the paper can’t listen. I need a listener. Can I ask you something? What have you done or what you do during overwhelming emotions? I plug in the headphones and put on some peppy and loud music, that’s bad for the ears (I know), take deep breathes, strong deep breathing and release all the wicked emotions out of the cage of my mind. Have you done this before? Try it, it is better than those depressing, wishing for death thoughts.

Man is a social animal. Irony, isn’t it? Why do I say so? Because this social animal lets the wickedness of the society (I mean the bad ones) to affect him so much so that he starts hiding from the society. He wishes to be alone yet he wants ‘someone’ to listen to him. You must have been several times in a mall. Have you ever tried to ‘observe’ the crowd passing around you? If you are reading this while in a mall, I suggest just sit alone on a bench or stand in a corner and actually observe the fellow Homo sapiens around you. By observing I do not mean their branded clothes and makeup. Observe their emotions! Yes, you might be amazed by the varying emotions flooding around you. Not everyone is happy because they are in a mall. Did you notice the nervous one? Oh yes there are many. Notice the hopeful ones? Their face says it all. Did you observe the angry, fighting couple and the old ones, some fearful, some happy and oh the flirty ones? There must be many babies around. They are the best ones to learn from as they do not hide their real self. Do not stare at one person for long time, you might get in trouble. The amazing part of this is observing random people with a fast pace and not staring only one.

Why am I saying this? Because you are not alone who is suffering. I shouldn’t say the word ‘suffering’ but that’s how we feel when loneliness hugs us. Waking up every morning and facing this world with our suffering is a big task and let me tell you, if you are doing this, it is appreciable. Giving up is never a solution. Thank your creator, if you do not believe in ‘God’, thank your own life giving you the opportunities. Be grateful for this life. You are blessed if you are reading this because you are reading on a laptop or smart phone with an internet connection and guess what? Not every single one on this planet has it. There might be seven life’s for us, but who knows? What we are aware of is, this very life.

Many of us are unsatisfied even after working for nine or twelve hours of a job. How many times have you said, I need some change? And how many times have you actually tried to pursue that change? We are scared, scared to step out of our comfort zone, so am I. The 9 to 5 job is stressful, still I do not quit. Why, because it is my comfort zone. I fear failure. I fear that no one would be with me if I step out of it. What would happen if I actually do it? Trying is the toughest part rather than thinking of being abandoned during failure. I am a big sucker for quotes and the quote which screams, ‘It is better to fail than the regrets.’ It is so true.  Let me try and I shall keep you informed. Thank You for listening to me, dear reader. 

A writer inside You.

self help letter, self help is the best help