WOW! It feels so good to be alone. Alone but not lonely. Solitude is bliss. I am not talking to you, the one reading this. I am talking to myself. I am blabbering inside my head. I just want to get it out from inside, this burden on my chest so that I could give a sigh of relief. I have been talking with self a lot. I always have though. Does everyone do the same? I cannot stop thinking. My thoughts are all around inside me but not coming out. It's past 11 and I should probably be sleeping but I don't want even though my eyes are heavy.
I have lost many things in past few years. My muse. My writing. My reading. My calm. My inner peace. Well I look like whole world's peace is inside me but dissect me I am not less than a turmoil.
I cannot shout in anger. If I do that's not me. I like to be silent. Very few know this about me. I am blessed to have those and those are not blood relations or the ones tied knot to. Some relationship do not require label to define. At least for me.
Speaking of that my reading is going quite well this year. It was so difficult to even read a chapter with all the distractions. I have left so many books unread in between. The books I picked this year, am glad I read them.
My thoughts and decisions are struggling between emotions and intellect. I am going to let intellect win this time. Cause emotions have broken me down to pieces, the pieces I couldn't find even in light. The pieces which were crushed to never be found again.
I have let time slipped from me. Many a times, Time mocking me. Teasing me. I still do not have hold on it, but I am walking or rather living hand in hand with Time.
Why is it so difficult, it feels lame even to talk about it. The greys in my hair speaks of my fight and struggle, the eyes screams of suffering only to those who can hear them, my hands speaks of the hard work which have gone in vain and my feet speaks about the path taken wrong.
Some people get abusive when in anger wonder how the f word, BC, MC words make them feel better. Sometimes I think why I don't drink. I would have been able to drown in it and not worrying about anything. But then again I don't want to be a raging alcoholic.
It's so easy to pen down while listening music. Every beat releases the words and here comes the peace.
